not to brag or anything, but my life is great.

So I was looking through facebook today, as I do everyday when Im bored at work, or just procrastinating, and it actually made me a little sad. I was looking through "friends" profiles, and browsing through pictures of their lives, and to be completely honest a lot of them just seemed so depressing to me. Now obviously this is just my opinion, but where else can you openly say your opinion if not your own blog that no one reads (: Anyway, I see people my age with a 5 year old child, a baby, and one on the way. I see their houses, their husbands, their lives, and I just feel sad. What a sad exsistance to be bogged down by kids and an ugly husband and an ugly house at 26 years old! Why do people jump into that shit? Why do people screw their lives away so quickly. I mean I like kids as much as the other guy....well that might not be entirely true, I might not like kids at all really. Hm..no, wait! I do like kids, I just dont like babies. AT ALL. And I dont see the reasoning in having kids early. I mean, having kids in your early 20's seems CRAZY to me. I dont want to seem like one of those selfish women who say they will never have kids. Thats not my shtick at all. I want kids, someday. Not to-day. I feel young, vibrant, full of energy, ideas, and adventures. Im in the prime of my life. I have a great job, that pays me...not well (: but it pays me. I have a husband, who keeps getting better looking every year that I have known him, who loves and understands me, and lets me live my life the way I need to in order to be myself. I live in a city I hate, with people I love, I have a house that screams LARA, I have a dog, I travel, I party, I go out with friends, I have drinks on the weekend, I do what I want, when I want. My life is so close to perfect that if I were a pessimistic person I might be waiting for the other shoe to drop. Fortunately thats not who I am, instead I bask in the glory that is my life, knowing, that far too soon in the future, all this greatness will end. The time will eventually come, when my ovaries will start speaking up, and I will jump on the baby train with gusto. I know this day is coming, and I know with each passing year it is getting closer and closer, I also know that life isnt to be rushed. I, along with a lot of my "christian counterparts", who were told not to have sex before marriage, rushed marriage. Now, in my case, with the grace of God, this has turned out well. I still love my husband, and I have struggled through feelings of regret for rushing such a huge decision, and have found myself on the other side, full of the knowledge that I chose the life I did, I followed my gut and it didnt lead me astray.

However, I degress.

Learning from mistakes is important. I dont consider my marriage a mistake, quite the opposite actually. However, perhaps I got married as young as I did (age 22), for the wrong reasons, with limited information about how the world works. Perhaps I would have made a different choice if I had had more life experience, if I knew what was waiting for me on the other side of 22 years of age. What Im trying to say is, I'm not rushing another HUGE life decision. Im taking my time on this one. I have my whole life ahead of me. To be a mother, a woman, a friend, a wife, a human. And it can only serve to benefit any offspring that I have in the future, for me to understand as fully as I can, the crazy world that I call home. It can only serve any children who make their way into my home, for me to understand myself, as fully as I can. I want to learn about people and communication, I want to know about cultures, and how they worship God, I want to learn about people, and the struggles they go through just to live life. I want to know what it feels like to be centered and balanced on a daily basis. I want to experience life, to experience living, to not be afraid, just because I was told to be. I want to find ME in everything else that is going around. And to be honest, I think Im doing a great job. Every day, every year I do more and more that scares me. I stand up for myself, I love myself, I take care of myself, and the more I dont these things, the more everyone else benefits as I have more to give.

Someday I will have children, and I know that they will be my life. I think about being a mother and I get excited and feel at peace knowing that it is my purpose in life to love children. But I am willing to wait. I am going through the school of hard knocks, and when I graduate, no matter how old I am, I will be older and wiser and more prepared to take on the hardest challenge of life; raising a child.

So dont rush me Calgary, dont push me into a decision that only seems normal to Southern Alberta and some of the Southern States. Children in your 30's is normal and healthy, and when the day comes that I am ready for the adventure of parenting..youll be the first to know, so please stop asking.

thanks.