Its getting ridiculous how much I like everything Paulo writes.

Taken From Paulo Coehlo's Blog:

Many years ago, there lived a man who was capable of loving and forgiving everyone he came across. Because of this, God sent an angel to talk to him.

‘God asked me to come and visit you and tell you that he wishes to reward you for your goodness,’ said the angel. ‘You may have any gift you wish for. Would you like the gift of healing?’

‘Certainly not,’ said the man. ‘I would prefer God to choose those who should be healed.’

‘And what about leading sinners back to the path of Truth?’

‘That’s a job for angels like you. I don’t want to be venerated by anyone or to serve as a permanent example.’

‘Look, I can’t go back to Heaven without having given you a miracle. If you don’t choose, I’ll have to choose one for you.’

The man thought for a moment and then said:

‘All right, I would like good to be done through me, but without anyone noticing, not even me, in case I should commit the sin of vanity.’

So the angel arranged for the man’s shadow to have the power of healing, but only when the sun was shining on the man’s face. In this way, wherever he went, the sick were healed, the earth grew fertile again, and sad people rediscovered happiness.

The man traveled the Earth for many years, oblivious of the miracles he was working because when he was facing the sun, his shadow was always behind him. In this way, he was able to live and die unaware of his own holiness.

Seriously, I need a fur headdress...

Adventure

So the other day Kasey took me to J N & Z meats on Commercial Drive. She had been talking about this meat shop that smokes all their own meat, smells amazing, is family run, and has amazing prices. Well, I was making soup with my sister that evening, so I thought it would be a good opportunity to buy some high quality, delicious meat products, and let me tell you...MY LIFE IS FOREVER CHANGED.

First of all, the minute you walk in your nostril are accosted with the smell of smokey meat. The shopped smelled amazing. Like a smokehouse. Sweet, and smokey, and full of juicy meat flavour. As we were making our purchases, people continually kept popping their heads into the shop, to get a whiff of the beauty that is smoked meat. But its not only the smell that gets you drooling. All four walls are covered with hanging meat of all different shapes and sizes. Links, racks, haunches (?) It truly is a sight to see. I ended up buying WAY too much sausage. Garlic sausage, Polish sausage, Spicy pepperoni, a ham hock for making pea soup! Wow. It was meat overload. The lady behind the counter weighed out my meat and I was shocked by the unbelievably low price tag. $12 for all that meat?! How could that be true? She told me that it was her family's business and that her father started it 17 years ago when she was a little girl who wanted to eat hot dogs like all her friends. Her old school Polish father (who knew what was in hot dogs) refused to let her eat them, but told her he would make her a replacement. Well as it turns out it was cheaper to buy a meat shop than a sausage stuffer, and the rest, as they say, is history. J N and Z Meats sell high quality sausage and other smoke house products for low prices. Spreading the love of meat, one customer at a time.

Honestly, if you live in Vancouver, go to this shop. It was amazing and delicious.

Oh yah, apparently in February she starts making beef jerky. I cant wait!

Saw a Blue Jay, and then it disappeared.

2 week update

How do I sum up this experience? I'm finding it hard to write about as so many huge moments are happening and my life is changing on a daily basis. I guess the main thing that I am learning is to be fearless. It's funny, the more often you do things that scare you, the less scared you become. I have always known that your greatest fear lies in anticipation of the fear, not the fear itself, but I had never put it to the test in such a real way. I am learning more everyday to trust my gut. If I feel anxious about something, or nervous, I'm not running away, or hiding from that feeling. I have to process it. I have to ask myself, "Is this something that is unsafe/not good for me? Or is this something that I am afraid of?" If I find out the answer is the latter one. I jump in. I do the deed, and not with timidity. NO! With Gusto. With Courage. With the curiosity of a child.

By far the biggest fear that I faced so far was going to church on Sunday. Im not sure how to explain my feelings about church for those of you who are unfamiliar with my past. But I guess its fair to say, that in my experience, I feel betrayed, lied to, and manipulated by the church. Its funny for me to even write that as before this week, I wouldn't have known thats how I felt. I knew I was angry. I knew I felt wronged. But I wasn't sure why. Well going to church on Sunday after a LONG hiatus was just what I needed on some level.

I stepped into the building, not out of duty, or habit, but with fresh eyes. I walked into church on my own accord, being aware of my surroundings, how I was feeling, and what was happening in my body. What an amazing experience! The minute I got to my seat I had a hot flash. I couldn't figure out what was going on. My sister Joyelle, who suffers from anxiety, walked me through it. It was actually funny. I was shredding my clothing, trying to regulate my temperature, and she looks at me as says, "are you having a hot flash?"

"Yah!" I said, "I feel like a 50 year old woman."

"I get those all the time at church." She whispered with empathy in her eyes.

"You do?" I exclaimed, "Why is this happening? Whats it from?"

"Anxiety." she stated plainly, as if anxiety and its affects were an obvious and regular occurrence. Once I knew that my body was reacting to my anxiety with a hot flash, it was easy for me to slow down my breathing, calm down my mind and cool myself down.

Now without getting into the nitty gritty of what was said, or the doctrine of the church, about half way through the service the pastor started saying some things. He was speaking passionately about how he believed and about what he thought was right, and I can respect that. The only trouble I had with what he was saying, was when he started using phrasing like, "the only way". Now growing up in the church, I fully know that most christians have a very strong belief that you need to be a christian, believe that Jesus is the son of God, died for your sins, and was resurrected in 3 days, in order to go to heaven. Heaven apparently being the only goal in life. This, according to most Christian religions, is the corner stone of faith.

Now Im not saying I have all the answers. Im not even saying that my viewpoint is the viewpoint everyone should hold. All I know is, as long as I can remember, whenever this topic came up, in church, or in discussions, my body vibrates with "thats not the God I know". I don't know how else to put it. The God I know, is aware of human stupidity. She created us. She is aware of our emotional issues, and the problems that we will hold throughout our lives due to traumatic experiences as youngsters. She's aware of our differences, or individuality, She created us to be different. The God I know, takes everything into account. She knows our hearts, She's excited about the spiritual journey we are each on. Even if we deny her, she excited that we are thinking about metaphysical shit. I guess Im more of the mindset that its about the journey with our creator, not the conclusions our limited, idiocy, human minds come up with. Its about the JOURNEY.

However, I digress, all Im trying to say, is as I was listening to the message, my body was alive with righteous anger. And this was a feeling I felt a lot as a teen for a very different reason. It is the feeling I get when I am being lied to. Not intentionally. Not maliciously. But lied to none the less. And it is this feeling, that I promised myself I would not blindly go along with ever again.

More to come....

Reasons Jesus is a unicorn and not a dog

1) This morning I was having a coughing fit in bed. Jesus looked at me, nudged my face and then laid his chin on my neck. My coughing stopped.

2) He looks humans directly in the eye. As if he's looking in your soul.

3) He has a dip on his forehead where his horn used to be. If you touch the spot, you'll notice its burning hot.

4) Hes all white. Thats magical.

5) He looks vaguely human.

6) He hates the rain, as rain is a portal back to his unicorn world. He isn't ready to leave so he avoids it at all cost. When returning from outside, on a rainy day, he will diligently wipe off his forehead, to ensure he stays here with us.

If I dont open up Ill wither

A rose longed for the company of the bees, but none would come to her.
Even so, the flower was still capable of dreaming. When she felt all alone, she would imagine a garden filled with bees that came to kiss her. And so she managed to resist until the next day, when she opened her petals again.

“Aren’t you tired?” another rose asked her.
“No. I have to go on fighting.”
“Why?”

“Because if I don’t open up, I wither.”

-Taken from Paulo Coelho's blog